What’s the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer?
The taste.
Meh Thoughts
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The taste
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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The Worst Thing About Being an Atheist
What’s the worst thing about being an atheist?
You have nobody to talk to when you’re having an orgasm.
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You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make
You know those frilled lizards, the ones that can make themselves look bigger and more fearsome by flipping out those flaps around their heads? I’ll bet those things have tiny little dicks.
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As a Type B personality, sometimes I wonder why *we* can’t be named Type A.
As a Type B personality, sometimes I wonder why *we* can’t be named Type A. Then again, I guess it isn’t worth getting stressed about.
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Knock, Knock: A Doctor’s Thoughtful Touch
I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.
Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.
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They say when God closes a door, he always opens a window.
They say when God closes a door, he always opens a window. I guess if you’re God, you don’t have to worry about energy efficiency.
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After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
