Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Nipple Piercing at the Bar

Some lady got her nipple pierced right in front of me at the bar last night, and on a semi-related note, I suck at darts.

Zit or baby spider-filled cyst? *POP* Zit. Zit or baby spider-filled cyst? *POP* Zit. Zit or baby spider-filled cyst?

Old lady says to her husband, “My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago.”

Her husband says, “They ought to be. One is in coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”

Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!

If you are meeting a new group of people and don’t know what to talk about, try mentioning Global Warming.

It’s a huge Icebreaker.

Boyfriends are like used car salesmen: They lie, they scam, and they fuck your brains out in the backseat.

I keep forgetting the difference between etymology and entomology…

…and words cannot describe how much this bugs me.

My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time.

Now I’m a registered sex offender.

I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say, “I like you and all, but sex…”

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning and said, “I can’t sleep.”

“Well it’s your lucky day,” I said. “We’ve got a party going on in here, come in.”