My girlfriend is going to dress up as a “naughty nurse” for the Halloween party we’re attending. Awesome! When we get back home, tonight’s rectal thermometer session will be that much more authentic.
Meh Thoughts
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Best Invention Since Sliced Bread
A good, sharp knife has got to be the best invention since sliced bread.
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I’m pretty sure hotel room service maids fold the toilet paper into a pointed wedge to
I’m pretty sure hotel room service maids fold the toilet paper into a pointed wedge to make it easier for me to reach my buttcrack.
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The strange irony is that my mother told me there’d be days like this — including the
The strange irony is that my mother told me there’d be days like this — including the bit about the man in the tinfoil hat groping himself on the subway platform.
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Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and
Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and get out of jury duty and I don’t wanna sound stupid.
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In hindsight, I suppose I should have instead told my wife that I had a great time this
In hindsight, I suppose I should have instead told my wife that I had a great time this afternoon with a “foursome which lost a member before teeing off the first hole.” Then maybe I’d have TWO working testicles.
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I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became
I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became positive, my right nut negative, and my johnson pointed to true north.
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If I were a carpenter and you were my lady, would you then be
If I were a carpenter and you were my lady, would you then be less put off by my “Hey, baby, check out my awesome wood!” comment?
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Reasons for Fist-Pumping “YES!”
Reasons for fist-pumping “YES!”
Before kids: Open bar.
After kids: Other child’s mom volunteers to drive both ways.
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You’ll Get Used to It
My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.
She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”
