Note to employees: The statement “Think outside the box” does *not* constitute permission to leave it.
Meh Thoughts
-
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space.
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space. When my idiot parents then suggested I should study to become a cosmetologist, I laughed in their faces. Like I’d be content to be an expert on *just* cosmets — how lame!
-
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition.
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
-
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump.
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump. But how the hell am I supposed to remember to wash my hands whenever I touch it?
-
Cleaning Out the Pantry
I found a candy cane from last Christmas as I was cleaning out the pantry yesterday.
It was still in mint condition.
-
If “freedom” is just another word for “nothin’ left to lose,” I wonder if Kris
If “freedom” is just another word for “nothin’ left to lose,” I wonder if Kris Kristofferson can find a cooler word for my situation, too, because “kleptomania” is just so clumsy.
-
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a wanker who had no dick.
-
Call me a “cheap ho” all you want — I’m still not throwing in
Call me a “cheap ho” all you want — I’m still not throwing in the midget for free.
-
Never Forget: A Witty Reminder
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said you’d never forget!!! -
Snoop’s Brown Rhymes: The Dre Connection!
What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
