The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time.
It was tense…
Meh Thoughts
-
Green Is My Favorite Color
Green is my favorite color.
I love it more than blue and yellow combined.
-
When I looked down to see my penis was swollen large and turning
When I looked down to see my penis was swollen large and turning green, I started to panic. Then I realized I’d mistakenly purchased “Shrek” condoms.
-
I was shocked when my boyfriend told me he’d love to join me for
I was shocked when my boyfriend told me he’d love to join me for a spa day yesterday. Turns out he’d seen their advertisement promising extreme facials.
-
What to Do With All the Extra Tacos
My kids refused to eat leftover tacos for dinner, so my wife told me to just throw them out.
Now I don’t know what to do with all the extra tacos.
-
Bananas: Prostate Power with a Side of Reminder!
My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.
I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.
-
I don’t understand people who get all upset about people pissing
I don’t understand people who get all upset about people pissing in the shower. That said, shitting in the shower is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
-
I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors.
I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors. The first blade lifts the hair. The second one cuts the hair. The third blade cuts it again! The fourth blade is a sneaky bastard who waits for the hair to relax and then cuts it again! Then the fifth blade goes to the hair’s house and beats the crap out of its mother.
-
I Keep Wanting to Go to Oklahoma
I keep wanting to go to Oklahoma, but I’m terrified the evil storm chasers from the movie Twister might still be there.
-
They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I would have to say they come in a
They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I would have to say they come in a distant second to the right vibrator.
