I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?
Meh Thoughts
-
Check it off my list
If I ever get arrested for bouncing down my street naked on a pogo stick with a peacock feather in my ass, well, there’s something else I can check off my list of things to do before I die.
-
My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome
My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome so she could experience a really big dick. Unfortunately, Simon Cowell is busy that night.
-
My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice
My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. Last night I was Forrest Gump and she was Larry the Cable Guy.
-
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
-
My girlfriend’s favorite sexual thing is reverse cowgirl. First
My girlfriend’s favorite sexual thing is reverse cowgirl. First she farts repeatedly, then she eats beans from a can by the campfire.
-
Looking in Alderaan Places
If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…
I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.
-
Not a Big Fan
I hate it when people call me a windmill.
I’m not a big fan.
-
You Already Own Her Home
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, “I want her home before midnight.” The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied….
“But you already own her home!”
