BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
Meh Thoughts
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I give a shit about what you’re saying. No really. I give a
I give a shit about what you’re saying. No really. I give a shit. Here. Take this shit that I’m giving about what you’re saying.
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Once when I was a kid, I almost choked to death on a sticky-pop.
Once when I was a kid, I almost choked to death on a sticky-pop. Fortunately, my grandfather had the good sense to tell me to stop lollygagging.
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I finally went on an excursion with Celebrity Cruise Lines, and there was a whole lot
I finally went on an excursion with Celebrity Cruise Lines, and there was a whole lot less drunken hoohah-flashing than I’d hoped for.
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I get a lot of my best ideas when I’m watching PBS.
I get a lot of my best ideas when I’m watching PBS. The other day I was watching when they had a Peter, Paul & Mary concert and I got a great idea: “If I find a way to steal cable I won’t have to watch this crap.”
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The Only Food That Can Make You Cry
My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it. So I hit him in the face with a coconut.
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More Guys Named Moe
If Larry had been a wackier and more influential stooge, I suspect I’d know more guys named Moe.
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Elephant Wisdom
Why are elephants so wise?
It comes with getting long in the tooth.
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Dating Nostalgia: A Dinner with a Twist!
My wife complained that I don’t treat her like I did when we were dating.
So I took her to dinner and dropper her off at her parent’s house. -
I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me.
I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me. In my defense, it was the first one I ever attended, and I never would’ve thought it would take me that many swings to break a champagne bottle over an infant’s head.
