I think the lottery would be more exciting if they drew TWO different sets of numbers: first set, to see who wins the money; second set, to see who gets executed. With my luck, I’d have both tickets.
Meh Thoughts
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I wish I’d penned a song titled, “I Write The Songs That Make the Whole World Want to
I wish I’d penned a song titled, “I Write The Songs That Make the Whole World Want to Stick Scissors in Their Ears and Come After the Singer With Torches and Pitchforks,” because I’m pretty sure that Wikipedia would make a page entry about that guy.
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Penguin Covered in Mustard
Penguins are funny. Mustard is funny. But do you think a penguin covered in mustard would be funny? I don’t know, but it might help if he were wearing a bib, ’cause bibs are funny.
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Now I’m a Registered Sex Offender
My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time.
Now I’m a registered sex offender.
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Everyone in my department got laid off except me.
Everyone in my department got laid off except me. So now there’s *only* I in team.
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A poet once asked “What’s in a name?” as a way of teaching
A poet once asked “What’s in a name?” as a way of teaching others to not make superficial judgments. Still, if the name is “Mother Fucking Douche Bag Asswipe III,” I think it would be safe to make at least a few assumptions.
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There was a guy in traffic beside me jerking off like crazy.
There was a guy in traffic beside me jerking off like crazy. I yelled out the window to him to at least have the decency to get back into his car.
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When I was a little kid we had a hamster.
When I was a little kid we had a hamster. One day the hamster ate its newborn babies. That was pretty gross, so we decided to just go ahead and get rid of it. We took it down the road and left it to fend for itself. It was a great lesson for a kid to learn, because I knew what to do 12 years later when the exact same thing happened with my sister.
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Tonight’s forecast: Overnight highs in the mid 70s with mostly
Tonight’s forecast: Overnight highs in the mid 70s with mostly cloudy skies and a 60% chance of me cornholing your sister.
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I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks.
I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks. Today I got the Vanilla Blonde Roast, because I really like all three of those separately.
