As I get older, I am starting to appreciate the messages I get from my Dad, particularly since I know it likely took him a half-hour to type out that text.
Meh Thoughts
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After buying a tutorial on playing poker, my game went down the toilet.
After buying a tutorial on playing poker, my game went down the toilet. That’s the last time I buy a copy of “2,000 Flushes.”
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I told my wife I would understand if she found another lover after I was gone, because
I told my wife I would understand if she found another lover after I was gone, because life goes on, and she is a beautiful, vibrant woman who should not be alone. However, I meant “gone” as in “dead,” not gone as in “at the office.”
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With pilot-buying season coming up, I’m hoping CBS will greenlight “CSI: Boise,” because
With pilot-buying season coming up, I’m hoping CBS will greenlight “CSI: Boise,” because I relish the idea of seeing someone hacked to death over a stolen lawn gnome.
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If I lived in a country rife with civil unrest, I’d always hold the door for my dates,
If I lived in a country rife with civil unrest, I’d always hold the door for my dates, because you never know when a bomb is on the other side. Plus, I’d only date really large ladies.
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I’m not sure what I ate yesterday but I just shit the LSU
I’m not sure what I ate yesterday but I just shit the LSU marching band out of my ass this morning playing “Walk the Dinosaur.”
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If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 10 years of working in a law firm, it’s that
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 10 years of working in a law firm, it’s that there’s never a good time to say, “Lick me, law-boy!” to the managing partner.
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I am not getting fat.
I am not getting fat. I am simply carb-loading for the “Father of Teens” marathon that will be my life for the next decade or so.
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No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered
No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered her family originates from the former Soviet republic of Nojugsistan.
