My wife ripped me a new one after she found out I peed in the shower. Now I’ve got to get out of the house before she sees what I did in the bathtub.
Meh Thoughts
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Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and
Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and my girlfriend. I could’ve SWORN she said she wanted a squirrel necklace.
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Preferred Seating on the Short Bus
On my resume, should I be bold and include “Proven Methodology of Obtaining and Retaining Preferred Seating on the Short Bus” as an achievement? Or should I just list it with my other superpowers?
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“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy
“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy.
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They say the truth will set you free.
They say the truth will set you free. Just be sure there aren’t any cops within earshot when you try this one out.
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I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that
I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that secret boudoir the “Red Room,” because “Room Where I Get to Stick Stuff Up Your Ass” sounds much less mysterious.
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Adopting a highway seems like a good idea until they expect you to cough up the money to
Adopting a highway seems like a good idea until they expect you to cough up the money to send it to college.
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Unplugged Desires: The Seductive Guitar Sound
Did you hear about the guitar that aroused people when played?
It had to be put on the sexy Fenders register.
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Mucho
I try to say ‘mucho’ when I am around my Hispanic friends.
It means a lot to them.
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I’ve noticed when playing “Grand Theft Auto” over the years that I’m great at driving,
I’ve noticed when playing “Grand Theft Auto” over the years that I’m great at driving, but terrible at killing hookers. Life really does imitate art.
