When life gives you lemons, paint them up like hand grenades and hijack a plane to Cuba.
Meh Thoughts
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I cried because I had no shoes, until I met my buddy with some exceptionally strong weed.
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met my buddy with some exceptionally strong weed. After doing bong hits for an hour, I couldn’t remember what the hell I was crying about in the first place. Still can’t find my damn shoes, though.
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After the fuss at the airport security checkpoint had died down, it occurred to me that
After the fuss at the airport security checkpoint had died down, it occurred to me that it might have been better to tell the TSA agent that the carry-on item she was questioning me about was an inflatable pillow, not a pillow that would blow up.
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I Got Kicked Out of My Charades Club
I got kicked out of my charades club for “gratuitous” nudity. But without disrobing and flopping, how would anybody have guessed “Elephant Man”?
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Poop With the Door Open
I told my wife that we’ve been together long enough now, we can poop with the door open…
…She told me I shouldn’t be pooping in the car in the first place!
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Injured playing peekaboo
Last week, I was injured pretty badly playing a game of peekaboo. They had to put me in the ICU.
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You know you have been married a while when Date Night involves getting a sitter for the
You know you have been married a while when Date Night involves getting a sitter for the kids so you can shop at Restoration Hardware until it closes.
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The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in
The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in my freshly applied nail polish.
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He Was 0K
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C, and everyone said he was crazy.
It turns out that he was 0K.
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Your Whole Post Is Urined
I hate spelling errors.
You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
