I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that makes me seem like a loser who couldn’t adapt to the changing business environment. So I tell them instead that I quit to spend more quality time with my kitty cats.
Meh Thoughts
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I hate music producers.
I hate music producers. Auto-Tuning a good vocalist is like Photoshopping the freckles off a redhead’s breasts.
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My sister couldn’t believe herself when she accepted an offer of
My sister couldn’t believe herself when she accepted an offer of sex from the man with the world’s smallest penis. She didn’t know she had it in her.
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It turns out you can lead a horse to water *and* make it drink, but you have to load it
It turns out you can lead a horse to water *and* make it drink, but you have to load it up with really salty popcorn for an hour or two before.
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Where I Draw the Line
I do a lot of illegal things…
But graffiti is where I draw the line.
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Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and
Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and emotionally moving that you can’t help from screaming out, “Holy shit! That dog is licking his own balls!”
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I Keep Wanting to Go to Oklahoma
I keep wanting to go to Oklahoma, but I’m terrified the evil storm chasers from the movie Twister might still be there.
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Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when the aliens come to take us all away.
Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when the aliens come to take us all away. Most likely we’ll be just outside Earth’s atmosphere when some stupid douche will start wailing about his needing to use the bathroom.
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I turned a few heads
I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
I turned a few heads. -
They say love means different things to different people — but my lawyer has instructed
They say love means different things to different people — but my lawyer has instructed me not to say what it means to me until after the trial.
