If you drink Coke Zero, I shall assume you fancy killing hobos for sport.
Meh Thoughts
-
If you’re evil, but you’re working hard to change, I’ll bet a major milestone is when
If you’re evil, but you’re working hard to change, I’ll bet a major milestone is when people start referring to it as your house instead of your lair.
-
It never fails.
It never fails. Just looking at photos of Bob Costas makes my eyes itchy. Thank God he doesn’t have crabs.
-
Bud Bowl
I kind of miss the “Bud Bowl” — not because I watched it so much as because I enjoyed hearing my stoner roommates snicker in between handfuls of Funyuns every time the phrase was uttered on TV.
-
Some Really Terrible Things for Money
In my day, I’ve done some really terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
-
He’s a web designer
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer. -
My Possessions No Longer Possess Me
My possessions no longer possess me. They sold me to a new owner last week.
-
Homecoming Queen
Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is really nothing more than a high-stakes version of “Wouldn’t it be funny to elect the ugly girl homecoming queen?”
-
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But the manager at Burger King keeps telling me it’s a health code violation.
-
If whores were given performance reviews, I’ll bet “You REALLY
If whores were given performance reviews, I’ll bet “You REALLY sucked” would be positive feedback.
