Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Left Another Accordion

I left my car unattended with my accordion on view in the front passenger seat. When I got back, someone had broken into my car

and left another accordion.

I’ve invented a new game called Silent Tennis.

It’s like regular tennis, but without the racquet.

Turns out that my wife ascribes to a double standard during sex: using “cum” as a verb is acceptable, whereas using it as a noun is not.

Life is like a box of popcorn: You really crave chocolate, but instead get something hard and salty rammed down your throat.

For the sake of realism, they really should make a few scenes where Superman arrives at the bad guys’ lair covered in bird guts.

Give a woman a fish and she’ll eat for a day. Tell her that she *smells* like fish and you’ll be wanking for months.

My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a family evening at home: Don’t block the TV and don’t wake me if I fall asleep.

I don’t really find back of the neck tattoos attractive on a woman, but I do appreciate having something to read during sex — so thanks, ladies!

What has 75 balls and fucks old ladies?
BINGO.

I got kicked out of my charades club for “gratuitous” nudity. But without disrobing and flopping, how would anybody have guessed “Elephant Man”?