I cried because I had no foreskin, until I met a man who had no penis. On second thought, maybe that was a lady.
Meh Thoughts
-
I’ll bet nothing pisses off Antarctic substation scientists more than when food rations
I’ll bet nothing pisses off Antarctic substation scientists more than when food rations arrive bearing instructions to “thaw at room temperature.”
-
(Kim Moser) I wonder what Mr. Rogers sounded like fucking
(Kim Moser) I wonder what Mr. Rogers sounded like fucking.
-
People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but
People label me as a narcissist because I go to the gym and tanning salon every day, but mark my words: They’ll be jealous when we’re all stranded on an isolated mountaintop and leathery-and-tough-meated Brad is viewed as the last one anyone would pick for eating.
-
There’s nothing quite as rewarding as entering a room and seeing your child’s face light
There’s nothing quite as rewarding as entering a room and seeing your child’s face light up — because it confirms that you finally got the wiring and the LED bulb grafts right this time.
-
My boyfriend and I were frustrated because we never seem to be
My boyfriend and I were frustrated because we never seem to be on a vacant-enough flight to join the mile-high club, so instead we ate a handful of mushrooms and fucked. That still counts, right?
-
I’m not saying my girlfriend’s vibrator isn’t loud; I’m just
I’m not saying my girlfriend’s vibrator isn’t loud; I’m just saying her neighbor should know that helicopters can’t land on the roof because there’s no room up there.
-
A Complete Guess But I Was Right
My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
-
During tough economic times like this, I take stock of my life and realize if I’d gone
During tough economic times like this, I take stock of my life and realize if I’d gone to an Ivy League college instead of a state school, I’d still be goofing off right now, but with a much higher salary.
-
I bet it’s really hard to get a great parking space at the
I bet it’s really hard to get a great parking space at the Special Olympics.
