Does the Clapper still turn the lights on if a mime is doing the clapping?
Meh Thoughts
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The great thing about being bisexual is that you can get revenge
The great thing about being bisexual is that you can get revenge on a woman who turns you down by telling her you were only hitting on her for a shot at blowing her nearby friend.
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There I was, about to impress this cute girl by signing an
There I was, about to impress this cute girl by signing an important historical document, when this dude came in and John Hancock-blocked me.
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There So Stupid
I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.
There so stupid.
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I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure the people who
I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure the people who named it Dick’s knew what the word dick means.
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The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”
The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”
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If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy
If I were rich, I’d send an amazingly expensive, yet unmanned, capsule to another galaxy with a plaque in it reading: “This Spaceship Intentionally Left Blank.” Whoever found it would realize that since we Earthlings would go that friggin’ far for a pun, we’d go oh-so much farther to punish someone for stealing our water or whales or what have you.
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I scream a lot during sex.
I scream a lot during sex. It really bothers my husband, though, because I scream things like, “I really hate this wallpaper!!”
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A brick under the hood
Every time I lock my keys in the car, I’m thankful I had the uncommon foresight to keep a brick stashed under the hood.
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They Were Wright
About a hundred years ago a couple brothers said they could fly.
They were Wright.
