The most tragic part of J.D. Salinger’s passing is that disaffected curmudgeons now no longer have someone at whom they can point and say, “Well, at least I’m not *that* much of a dick.”
Meh Thoughts
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My wife claims I’m callous and unsupportive. Apparently she
My wife claims I’m callous and unsupportive. Apparently she missed the chapter in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” where the Martian phrase “I’m ready to listen” translates roughly, to, “What the fuck crawled up your butt?”
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Selling Me a Bridge
My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.
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Bill Cosby must feel good knowing the people who released doves
Bill Cosby must feel good knowing the people who released doves outside Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial might still love him.
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Scaring the crap out of the passengers
It was in 1875 that my great-great-grandmother Elsa began appearing on stages throughout the Old West, and scaring the crap out of the passengers.
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Good Buoy
I took my dog to the lake today and noticed he floats very well.
He’s a very good buoy.
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I’m writing an erotic story of a successful but lonely Wal-Mart manager who introduces a
I’m writing an erotic story of a successful but lonely Wal-Mart manager who introduces a young, barely tattooed cashier to his version of bondage, most of which involves duct tape. I’m calling it “Fifty Shades of Camo.”
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TGIF Shoes
Why did the blonde write TGIF on the insides of all of her shoes?
As a reminder: Toes go in first.
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When It Comes to Their Pessimism
When it comes to their pessimism, every pessimist is an optimist.
