I heard a joke that someone dreamed they were eating a cloud and woke up missing a pillow. At least I hope it was a joke cause I’m having a hard time locating the cat and last night I dreamed I was eating Chinese food.
Meh Thoughts
-
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I realized I was simply outgunned. Never bring caulk to a nailgun fight.
-
“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy
“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy.
-
My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t
My girlfriend likes to watch me jerk off. Too bad she doesn’t like to watch me eat Froot Loops and play video games, because that would pretty much cover my entire day.
-
I just learned a new riff on my ukulele, in case you were
I just learned a new riff on my ukulele, in case you were wondering where all this pussy came from.
-
Mr. Insurance Duck
I’m confused by those ads where a duck is trying to sell people disability insurance by quacking, “AFLAC!” at them. If instead he just yelled, “Duck!” I bet most debilitating injuries could be avoided altogether. I’m on to your scam, Mr. Insurance Duck!
-
Limo Dreams: No Driver, No Ride!
I just rented a limo for $500, then learned that fee doesn’t even include a driver.
So I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!
-
A complete prick
When I first met Richard Peter Johnson, he seemed like a decent guy, but he turned out to be a complete prick.
-
Common Sense: The Deodorant of Wisdom
Common sense is like deodorant… the people who need it most never use it.
