I asked my best friend to be my wingman and boast about me while I was talking to a girl I like.
It backfired horribly when he told her I’m the best sex he ever had.
Meh Thoughts
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Best wingman ever
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Fixing the boat
Plugging the hole in the row boat with my penis wasn’t a bad idea, but forgetting to take out my piercing barbell *was* — although the bass didn’t seem to think so.
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Pig Latin Poet
One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet is that it’s pretty easy to come up with rhymes.
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If It Gets Any Worse I’ll Have to Let Her In
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the window.
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
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Divorce: She Took It All, Even My Soles
My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
She has sole custody. -
TGIF Shoes
Why did the blonde write TGIF on the insides of all of her shoes?
As a reminder: Toes go in first.
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Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.
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Dry Salads
I am told that the salads I make tend to be a bit on the “dry” side.
It’s definitely something that needs addressing.
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Visiting a bordello builds character and toughness.
Visiting a bordello builds character and toughness. I say this thinking of the advice my friend gave me: “If you fall off a whore, get right back on.” Oh, and quickly too, or you’ll have to pay again.
