Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today
Don’t worry, it was a draft. He was able to dodge it.
Meh Thoughts
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Trump Dodges Draft Beer Attack!
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I hate winter.
I hate winter. By the time spring arrives, my nipples have worn holes through all my favorite shirts.
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He had me at “Turn it over and pop your hood.”
He had me at “Turn it over and pop your hood.”
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Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call
Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call it “breast feeding.”
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Red Flags Everywhere
I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.
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I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I
I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
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Every year it’s Dublin
Ireland’s capital is the fastest-growing city.
Every year it’s Dublin. -
His Parking Space
I’d imagine that one thing worse than finding out Osama Bin Laden is still alive would be him coming back to work to find that you’ve been using his parking space all this time.
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Big steps
There was a safety meeting at work today…
They asked me, “What steps would you take in case of a fire?”“Big fucking steps.”
Evidently, that was NOT the answer.
