When my sister takes her kid to the mall, she puts him on one of those kiddie leashes so he doesn’t get lost. How creepy is that? Personally, I think he’d be much safer and happier if she left him at home in his crate.
Meh Thoughts
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The Sax
I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.
The sax is too good.
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You’ll never guess what I killed in my bathroom this morning: virtually every living
You’ll never guess what I killed in my bathroom this morning: virtually every living thing within 20 feet.
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His muscle pressed hard against his trousers like a burly midget trapped in a burlap
His muscle pressed hard against his trousers like a burly midget trapped in a burlap sack… Erotic fiction is not easy. /@b0nrmunky
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There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for three weeks.
There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for three weeks.
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I’d Rather Watch a Video of My Conception
I think I’d rather watch a video of my conception than watch another debate.
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I doubt they’d do it more than once
If the company that makes Q-Tips was really serious about wanting us only using them on the outsides of our ears, they’d make the little stick come to a needle-sharp point. People would still poke them into the canal, but I kind of doubt they’d do it more than once.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king, but the blind guy with the
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king, but the blind guy with the 12-inch weiner is still more popular at parties.
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There’s nothing more embarrassing than strolling into the office humming “It’s a
There’s nothing more embarrassing than strolling into the office humming “It’s a Hap-Hap-Happy Day,” then hearing the hushed whispers of co-workers and realizing it’s only a hap-happy day.
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I sometimes imagine myself as a cold-blooded python with massive rippling muscles,
I sometimes imagine myself as a cold-blooded python with massive rippling muscles, capable of suffocating and devouring large prey, yet burdened with a tiny brain. Occasionally it can be healthy for me to get in touch with my inner pro wrestler.
