Choo choo? That’s your best train sound?
Meh Thoughts
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Your Tuesday so fat, Monday and Wednesday gotta scoot over a couple hours.
Your Tuesday so fat, Monday and Wednesday gotta scoot over a couple hours.
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Glass Houses
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.
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In some ways I’m pretty conservative.
In some ways I’m pretty conservative. For example, I don’t think abortion should be legal except in the very rare cases where the mother’s life is in danger or when I might possibly be the father.
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Have you ever fallen for a girl so hard that whenever you’re around her, you get gassy?
Have you ever fallen for a girl so hard that whenever you’re around her, you get gassy? Well, I’m completely inflatuated!
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I don’t think it’s right to accuse me of lacking confidence just because I walk eight
I don’t think it’s right to accuse me of lacking confidence just because I walk eight batters to get to the opposing pitcher.
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I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire
I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire tattoo — until I realized it wasn’t a tattoo.
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It’s been said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac.
It’s been said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac. It’s true, women love guys who have power. They also seem to enjoy running water and central heating.
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I’ve never seen The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but I just
I’ve never seen The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but I just read where a dude shit his pants on the show, so I may have to start watching.
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“There’s no ‘i’ in team,” my boss told me. I smugly pointed out
“There’s no ‘i’ in team,” my boss told me. I smugly pointed out to him that there’s no “i” in “Fuck you, asshole” either.
