Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Meh Thoughts
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Still Assembling His Cabinet
Did you hear that the CEO of Ikea was just elected president of Sweden?
He is still assembling his cabinet.
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Attendance at my support group for people who’ve accidentally been turned invisible has
Attendance at my support group for people who’ve accidentally been turned invisible has been awful. I think.
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You learn something new everyday.
You learn something new everyday. For instance, today I learned that those toilets at Home Depot aren’t hooked up to any type of plumbing.
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I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies
I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies.
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Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never
Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never take the damn thing OUT of my mouth.
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Spreading Butter
Getting a woman to spread her legs is a lot like spreading butter on bread…
You can do it with a credit card, but it’s easier with a knife.
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Pump number 5
I got robbed today and called the police.
The cop asked if I had a description of the assailant.
I said, “Yeah, it’s pump number 5.” -
Up to My Chin Should Do It
A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”
So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”
“Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”
