I was having lunch with my girlfriend the other day when I unexpectedly got a really fierce hard-on. Sure, it was kind of embarrassing, but at least I had somewhere to put the pineapple rings when I went for seconds at the buffet.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Fixing the boat
Plugging the hole in the row boat with my penis wasn’t a bad idea, but forgetting to take out my piercing barbell *was* — although the bass didn’t seem to think so.
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Leashes and Revolutions: A Punny Comparison!
What’s the difference between a dog leash and the French Revolution?
One is a reign of terror, the other is a rein of terrier. -
I Have Contacts
I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.
He said he didn’t care who I knew.
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(Lori Petterson) Happiness is finding a freshly cleaned gas
(Lori Petterson) Happiness is finding a freshly cleaned gas station restroom when you have to poo.
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she’s saying, “Look what I can do that you can’t
she’s saying, “Look what I can do that you can’t.”
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I don’t think “It’s cumtastic!” was the compliment Sister Mary
I don’t think “It’s cumtastic!” was the compliment Sister Mary was looking for regarding her new cell phone.
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Parking fine
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice. -
Red Flags Everywhere
I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.
