*RING* “Hello?” “What’s up?” “Aw, man, I was right in the middle of masturbating.” “Then why’d you answer?” “I thought it might be my mom.”
Meh Thoughts
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They say when God closes a door, he always opens a window.
They say when God closes a door, he always opens a window. I guess if you’re God, you don’t have to worry about energy efficiency.
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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Open Mike Night
I’m hosting an autopsy club meeting tonight!
It’s “Open Mike Night”!
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If we would just lose the war on drugs, I’m certain we could win the war on terror.
If we would just lose the war on drugs, I’m certain we could win the war on terror.
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Usually when I jot something down on my hand as a reminder, it’s
Usually when I jot something down on my hand as a reminder, it’s along the lines of, “Because of the infected calluses, use Lefty this week.”
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Why Was Six Afraid of Seven
Why was six afraid of seven?
Seven was black.
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I wish I could be a hooker-magician. Then I’d throw a little
I wish I could be a hooker-magician. Then I’d throw a little humor into my act by yelling, “And now for my next trick…” and grabbing some guy by the wand.
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(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
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Blonde Fired From the M&M Factory
Hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws.
