Runs out of toilet paper
Helpful redditors: This poor fella is doing it all wrong. Ya just stick the cardboard roll up your ass and poop thru the tube so no shit ever touches your butthole.
My genius has come alive.
Tone: absurd
Absurd jokes, weird logic, surreal memes, and nonsense that somehow files taxes from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Coronavirus Squirrel Ass
Coronavirus panic day 3: I was forced to catch a squirrel today, not for food, I just used it to wipe my ass… It was not happy
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Behold The Field Barren
BEHOLD THE FIELD IN WHICH I GROW MY FUCKS LOOK THOU VPON IT AND THOU SHALT SEE THAT IT IS BARREN.
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Spirit Animal Pig
The search is over… I found my spirit animal
Pig in Australia steals 18 beers from campers, gets drunk, fights cow.
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Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part II)
The Top 15 Warnings on Condom Packages (Part II)
15. Strawberry flavoring provides no actual nutrients.
14. Caution: Your partner may become unwilling to purchase the cow when milk is plentiful and free of charge.
13. Help! I’m trapped in a condom factory in Hong Kong.
12. Do not use if already semen-filled.
11. Will not prevent the endless ridicule from best friends who saw you leaving the bar with the mustached woman shortly before closing time.
10. Caution: Sheep have been known to bite.
9. Training wheels not included, Quick-Draw McGraw.
8. Expires: 4/1/07. Hell, you might as well just throw this away now, Sparky.
7. After closing time at the bar, some settling may occur.
6. Use of this product outside the holy sacrament of marriage may cause eternal suffering in hell. Just saying.
5. Warning: Object in condom may be substantially smaller than wearer claims.
4. “Reservoir” tip is a naming convention only and not meant to describe actual holding capacity.
3. Does not protect against cucumber aphids.
2. Personally Inspected by John Ashcroft.
1. Caution: Always keep in a moist, dark place.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ] -
Yeehaw or Heeyaw
I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.
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Spain and Portugal Fit Like a Glove
Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugal’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.
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Top 16 Reasons Last Nights Date Was a Failure
The Top 16 Reasons Last Night’s Date Was a Failure
16. Two words: Crying Game
15. Putting chopsticks in your nose doesn’t go over so well since you hit the big four-oh.
14. You woke up in a tu-tu, a bra and scuba flippers – but where the hell is your hockey mask?
13. Losing that Happy Meal prize to your date in an arm-wrestling contest kind of put a damper on the rest of the evening.
12. You roll over and find a naked Ed Asner next to you.
11. You brought flowers and candy, she brought a lawyer and a restraining order.
10. O.J. Simpson mask definitely not a big hit.
9. Her job as an Elvis impersonator didn’t bother you until you discovered the sideburns are real.
8. You didn’t feel the earth move, but you learned an awful lot about life insurance.
7. Severe paper cuts from that popcorn-box trick forced you to go to the emergency room alone.
6. Everything was going great until the conversation shifted to rejected names for hurricanes.
5. The only tongue you got was at the deli counter.
4. A generally accepted rule of thumb is that your date should have the same number of digits after the date as before.
3. Your date’s position as environmental spokesperson really kept you from enjoying your porpoise sandwich.
2. You were only being honest, Gene Hackman in drag *is* arousing
1. Dinner reservations at House of Beans.
