When you’re having the best sex of your life but then Nana starts to recognize you again
@Supersaw
Tone: absurd
Absurd jokes, weird logic, surreal memes, and nonsense that somehow files taxes from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Pumpkin Patch
Recently, a female sheriff’s deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.
The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,” he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. “Guess I was really into it, y’know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff’s car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Deputy Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just humping away at this pumpkin.”
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’”
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, “A pumpkin? Shit… is it midnight already?”
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The Butt Kicking Contest
Two guys decide to have a butt kicking contest.
The first guy takes a long run, hauls off, and kicks the other guy so hard he goes flying ten feet.
The second guy lies there for a minute, gasping in pain, then pulls himself together, stands up, and says, “My turn.”
The first guy says, “Never mind, you win.”
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The Elephant Trunk
A man goes to the doctor, absolutely desperate. He says, “Doc, I was in a horrible accident and lost my penis. I can’t live like this, you have to help me!”
The doctor says, “Good news, we have an experimental procedure. We take a baby elephant’s trunk, graft it on, and it works perfectly.”
The man agrees immediately. The surgery is a success.
Two months later, the man brings a beautiful woman home for a date. Things start heating up, and suddenly, the man feels a twitch in his pants. The trunk-penis is waking up.
As they are sitting there, the elephant trunk unzips his fly, creeps onto the table, reaches into the breadbasket, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back under the table.
The woman is stunned, her eyes wide.
“That was… amazing!” she says. “Can you do that again?”
The guy smiles, wincing in pain, and replies, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”
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Could You Vape Semen
r/morbidquestions u/thatcatinthecorner 14h
Could you vape semen?
If it was watered down to the approximate thickness of fluid, could you vape semen?
192 60 Share
BEST COMMENTS
DrDank7 12h
Great now you’re making vaping even more gay
445
1simis 9h
It’s a double negative though so it cancels out
115
What_R_YOU_Doin_Here 6h
I don’t think that’s how this works. If you are giving a bj and taking it in the ass at the same time, does that make you straight?
18
WillBeamon 6h
Obviously
33
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Steal the Declaration of Independence
We can steal your man
@lordflaconegro
Shawty in the back look like she gonna steal the Declaration of Independence
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Cindy the Witch
A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.
She puts a blow-up doll in a darkened room. Then she goes back to the guy and says, “You can have Cindy. She’s very shy and doesn’t speak or react, and she likes to do it with the lights off. But you can do anything you want with her, she won’t complain.”
The guy pays his money and goes up to the room.
Ten minutes later he runs back down, naked, screaming, “Cindy’s a witch! Cindy’s a witch!”
“What’s wrong?” asks the madame.
“Well, you told me I could do what I like with Cindy, so I thought I’d try some rough stuff!”
“What happened?”
“I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”
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Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger
rachel @raalaa_
Roses are red, Sugar is used to sweeten
Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star look alike found dead in badger den half eaten
