Cheeky humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A guy asks a woman, “Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?”
She replies, “Well, to be honest, at that price, the answer would have to be yes.”
“Well, would you do it for five dollars?”
“NO! What do you think I am?”
“We’ve already established what you are. Now we’re just haggling over price.”
A cowboy is walking down Main Street in nothing but his boots and hat. A sheriff stops him and asks why he is walking down the street naked.
The cowboy explains that after he and Sally took off their clothes, she laid down and hollered, “Go to town, cowboy!”
“So here I am.”
A married man starts a new job that makes him work late hours. Every night, he comes home ready to have sex with his wife, who is usually asleep.
He says, “We need a code so you can let me know when you’re in the mood. I’ll wake you up with my erection in your hand. If you’re in the mood, stroke it two times.”
His wife asks, “Okay, but what if I’m not in the mood?”
He says, “You’ll stroke it 200 times!”
A couple was going through some tough times and decided to try prostitution to make ends meet. After the first night, the wife came home after a long night and put $50.25 on the table.
The husband commented that it was a decent start and asked who paid with a quarter.
She replied, “Everyone.”
A couple decides to try prostitution to make ends meet. Harry tells his wife to stand outside a bar, charge a hundred bucks, and ask him if she has questions.
A guy offers thirty. Harry says he can get a handjob for that.
She gets in the car, sees his HUGE… and says, “I’ll be right back.”
She runs back to Harry and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
She explained that it kept her cigarette dry.
The next day, the other lady went to the drugstore and asked for a box of condoms. The pharmacist asked what brand she preferred.
“Doesn’t matter, son, as long as it fits a Camel.”
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her. Afterward, he sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Three dogs are at the vet. Two explain they attacked the mailman and milkman, so they are getting their nuts cut.
The third dog says he jumped on the master’s wife when she bent over and tore her ass up.
The others ask, “Damn, you getting your nuts cut too?”
The third dog replies, “No, just my nails done.”
It was the mailman’s last day after 35 years on the same route. Every house gave him congratulations and gifts.
At the final house, a beautiful blonde led him upstairs for a passionate liaison, then made him a giant breakfast. He noticed a dollar bill under his coffee cup.
“What’s the dollar for?” he asked.
She said, “Last night, I asked my husband what to give you. He said, ‘Scr*w him… give him a dollar.’ But the breakfast was my idea.”
A car is swerving all over the road. It cuts across the centerline, whips back to the shoulder, and then back into its lane, until a cop pulls it over.
The driver is a blonde. She explains that she keeps seeing a tree in the road and has to swerve to avoid it.
She points ahead and says, “See, look, officer. There’s another tree in the road.”
The officer looks through the windshield and says, “Ma’am, that’s not a tree. That’s your air freshener.”
