Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Two businessmen were walking down the street, when one of them spots a pile of dog shit on the ground.
Being bored, he tells the other guy, “Hey, if you eat that, I’ll give you $10k right now.”
Naturally, he plugs his nose and eats it. As promised, the first one pulls $10k out of his wallet and hands it over. It’s a big wallet, I guess.
A mile later, they spot another pile. This time, the second businessman tells the first, “$10k to eat that right now!”
Of course, the first one takes the deal. Easy money, right?
They continue walking, and after a moment, the first one says, “You know, it occurs to me we both just ate dog shit, and we’re not a penny richer.”
After a moment, the second one replies, “Yes, but we increased the GDP by $20k.”
A hunter from the East goes hunting out West in Wyoming.
He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure. At some point the hunter has to use a commode.
He says to his guide, “Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?”
The guide cracks up laughing. “Are you serious? We’re in the middle of Wyoming and you’re asking where the restroom is?”
“Well it’s kinda an emergency,” the hunter says.
The guide says, “You just hang your ass over that log over there. We’re roughing it today, Sport!”
So the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper, so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?”
The guide says, “You got a dollar?”
The hunter says, “I do.”
The guide says, “Just use that!”
The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.
The guide says, “What the hell, man. What happened to you?”
The hunter says, “You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!”
A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart.
She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV.
She starts with a simple math question.
“What’s twenty plus three?” she asks.
The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?”
Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts:
“Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again.
“Okay dear… what’s two plus two?”
After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?”
Once again, the stadium roars:
“Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
Doc: I have bad news and really bad news… the bad news is your baby is just an ear… a 6-pound 5-ounce baby ear. No arms or legs or head… just an ear.
But that’s not the worst part…. He’s DEAF!
A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.
“I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”
