“The way I see it, necrophilia is safe sex….”
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Best-Selling Children’s Author
If I were a best-selling children’s author, I’d write a book about how these cool little kids and their cute woodland friends made Santa very happy by taking all the money out of Mommy’s wallet and mailing it to my PO Box.
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Nothing Gets Done Between 7 and 10
A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a Marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?”
“I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?”
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”
“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m.”
“When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”
“Everyone else starts at 7 a.m. but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”
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Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle
10. Being told to “think outside the box” when you’re in a friggin’ box all day long.
9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who’s behind you.
8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.
7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you’ll get a piece of cheese.
6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
4. Twenty-three power cords — one outlet.
3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.
2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.
1. You can’t walk out and slam the door when you quit.
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Social Distancing Dad
My dad must be really be taking this social distancing shit seriously, I haven’t seen him in 23 years
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The Three FBI Agents
There were three recruits that were on their way up the ranks after joining the FBI for top-ranking officers. There was one final test for them to do before they were chosen to officially join the top ranks, and if they failed, they would not be chosen for the prestigious position.
So there were three doors, and the commander explains what each of them needs to do. He says, “Behind the door with your name on it is each one of your wives, and for the final test you must go in that room — there will be a gun sitting on the table — and you need to kill your wife.”
There is an awkward silence for a few minutes before the first guy goes in the room with his name on it. A few minutes later, he comes bursting out of there crying, “I can’t do it! I just can’t do it!” He hands the gun to the commander and walks away.
The second guy goes into the room with his name on it, and he’s in there for a little bit longer. He calmly comes out of the room, hands the commander his gun, and says, “Nope, can’t do it.”
So the third guy goes in the room with his name on it, and he’s in there for quite a while. And then all of a sudden everyone outside the door hears “BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!” then “click, click, click, click,” and then they hear what sounds like a struggle. A few minutes later, the third guy comes out and says, “God damn it, somebody put blanks in this gun, so I had to take off my jacket and strangle the bitch.”
