Tone: dark

Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Tired of Being Used

    Tired of Being Used

    I just wanted to show her my memes. Next thing you know my weiner is in her mouth. I’m tired of being used.

  • The Ether Bunny

    The Ether Bunny

    Sorry kid, I’m the ether Bunny

  • No Damn Vegetables

    No Damn Vegetables

    Please seat for disabled person

    I don’t want any damn vegetables.

  • Kevin Please Stop Beatboxing

    Kevin Please Stop Beatboxing

    “Kevin I’m dying. Please stop beatboxing”

  • The Stuttering Clerk

    A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

    The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

    The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

    Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.

    The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”

    And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

    Finally, the guy storms away in anger after not being answered.

    The customer who was waiting in line behind the muscular guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?”

    The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!”

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  • Your Son Is an Artist!

    A man goes to school to have a meeting with his son’s teachers. He walks into the first classroom and says, “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse me if I sound a bit strange, but I burned my tongue yesterday.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The teacher sighs and says, “Look, we really needed to talk to you. Your son is struggling. He doesn’t know his times tables, he doesn’t know the American states… he doesn’t even know which state he’s in right now! You really need to have a talk with him.”

    “I’m so sorry,” the father replies. “I’ll speak with him tonight. But again, please forgive my speech; I really scorched my tongue.”

    He then moves on to the art teacher’s office. “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse my voice, I burned my tongue yesterday.”

    The art teacher beams. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I have to tell you, your son is a prodigy. He’s incredible! Just yesterday, he drew a basket of fruit so realistically that all the other children gathered around trying to pick a piece to eat!”

    The father nods and says, “I know, I know… yesterday he drew a vagina on the stove.”

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  • Double or Nothing

    A certain country was ruled by a dictator who was very paranoid. He rarely appeared in public; he preferred to send one of his many doubles.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One day, an enemy attacks the palace. The survival of the dictator is in question. The doubles await news, trembling in fear. If the dictator dies, they would be no longer useful, and with all the secrets they know, the new regime surely wouldn’t let them live.

    Finally, they are called into a conference room. One of the dictator’s chief advisors enters.

    “My dear doubles!” he says. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that our beloved leader has survived the dastardly attack, and so, your services are still very much required.”

    The doubles collectively sigh with relief.

    Then a big man with an axe enters the room.

    “Now for the bad news,” continues the advisor. “He lost an arm…”

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  • The Dentist

    A dentist tells his patient, “This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?”

    The patient says, “Yes, doc. I’m ready.”

    And the dentist says, “I’m sleeping with your wife.”

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  • Hit the Ball, Drag Walter

    A man goes golfing every Sunday morning and is usually home in time for lunch. Until one Sunday when his wife found herself waiting well past noon with no sign of her elderly husband. She wrapped up his lunch and put it in the fridge to stay fresh, busying herself with chores and growing more anxious as the afternoon wore on.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Finally, he pulled into the driveway and she ran out to meet him. “Where have you been?” she asked.

    “Well, Walter had a heart attack on the third hole,” he replied. “Just keeled over and died right there on the spot!”

    “Oh no, that’s terrible!” the wife exclaimed.

    “Yeah, so for the whole rest of the day it was ‘hit the ball, drag Walter. Hit the ball, drag Walter…’”

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  • Cindy the Witch

    A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She puts a blow-up doll in a darkened room. Then she goes back to the guy and says, “You can have Cindy. She’s very shy and doesn’t speak or react, and she likes to do it with the lights off. But you can do anything you want with her, she won’t complain.”

    The guy pays his money and goes up to the room.

    Ten minutes later he runs back down, naked, screaming, “Cindy’s a witch! Cindy’s a witch!”

    “What’s wrong?” asks the madame.

    “Well, you told me I could do what I like with Cindy, so I thought I’d try some rough stuff!”

    “What happened?”

    “I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”

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