What’s the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?
A prostitute will stop screwing you after you’re dead.
Tone: dark
Dark jokes, grim memes, and humor with the lights off and the judgment missing from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Photographer’s Last Shot
A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
The guests all tried to warn him…
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From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift
I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.
But after the first two, I felt better.
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Dark Humor: The Baby Float Recipe!
How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
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Russian Roulette: A Surprising Safety Story
I interviewed 10,000 thousand people who had played Russian roulette and not a single one of them were harmed from the game.
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Twice the Trouble: A Wish Gone Wrong
A man meets a genie who grants him three wishes, but warns him: whatever he asks for, his ex-wife gets twice as much.
“Well,” says the man, “for my first wish, beat me half to death.”
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Respectful Farewell or Evidence Elimination?
So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”
But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”
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Knock, Knock: A Doctor’s Thoughtful Touch
I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.
Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.
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Surprise Countdown: The Ultimate Plot Twist!
If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.
Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!
