Tone: edgy

17. Winning! Winners win. And I’m a winner who wins, believe me. #ohfucknowwhatdoido

16. My huuuge hands typing this from the Oval Office! #HowYouLikeMeNowHillary

15. Nobody told me the White House was such a dump. Not a single gold toilet. Sad. #3rdWorld

14. Why do they call it the White House when the kitchen is full of Hispanics? #TrumpHouse

13. @SCOTUS You’re Fired! #TreatGovernmentLikeBusiness

12. #100days: abolish Obamacare, export all illegal immigrants, mount Paul Ryan’s balls in the Oval Office #sweetrevenge

11. @PutinRF_Eng Lincoln bedroom stocked with #Stoli; waiting for your arrival #USARUS

10. White House? Not on my watch. 2,600 gallons of gold gilt paint on the way! #Glitterpalooza #BlingHouse

9. Note to self: thank Kellyanne Conway, notify her she won’t be paid.

8. Just sold Washington Monument to China #suckers #shippingisextra

7. Got the nuclear codes, so excited: 398236. #watchoutisis #makeamericaglowagain

6. Melania looks stunning lying naked on the Oval Office’s new polar bear-skin rug, trust me. #MakingAmericaBoneAgain #Bigly

5. WTF? Canada’s Prime Minister keeps calling, saying USA needs to pay for his wall.

4. WH needs new housekeepers. @AliciaMachado, job is yours if you can drop 20 lbs!

3. Just sent my homey @Comey a thank you gift: orange jumpsuit for @Hillary. #orangeisthenewpantsuit

2. That Lincoln bedroom is SO uncomfortable. No wonder he shot himself. #HoleInTheHead #LumpyMattress

1. First official act: Lady Liberty loses the burka, shows some leg, gets bigger tits #StatueOfLame #6atBest