“I’m bushed… all I want is a beer, my remote and something good on the TV!”
Tone: humor
Humor humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Football in the Background
I was a cameraman in Dallas for three years before I realized that they have a football game in the background of all those cheerleader performances.
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John’s Noisy Bedsprings Keep Fred Awake Nightly
It happened that when Fred and John went to College they got rooms in different levels of the building but right on top of each other. John’s room was above Fred’s room and John was always good with the woman.
Every night since school started Fred would hear up above his room, “Claclopp! Claclopp!! Calaclopp!!!, Spring! Zippp! Ahhhaaaa!”
It went on every night:…”Claclopp! Claclopp!! Calaclopp!!!, Spring! Zipp! Ahhhaaa!”
Now Fred wasn’t a snoop and normally didn’t interfere on John’s love life or even ask of what went on every night. But one night it was different. Instead of the strange “Claclopp! Claclopp!!, Spring! Zippp! Ahhhaaaa!” He heard “Claclopp! Claclopp!!, Spring! Zippp! YEEeeOOWWWwwwwwweeeeeee!!!”.
Fred was confused by this….not to mention scared out of his mind by the scream. So he took a step at getting intimate with his friend John. “Hey John,” he said that morning. “I really hate to pry but every night I hear this ‘Claclopp, Claclopp, Calaclopp, spring, zip, Ahhaaa. But last night I was frightened by a ‘Claclopp!!, Claclopp!!, Calaclopp!!!, Spring, Zippp, YEEeeOOWWWwwwwwweeeeeee!!!’ Do you mind explaining this?”
“Well,” said John. “The Claclopp!, Claclopp!!, Claclopp!! was me running towards the bed. The Spring!! was me leaping in the air. The Zippp! was me zipping down my pants in mid air. And the AAhhhaaaa!! Was me settling my manhood in my girlfriend.”
“So what was last night?” Fred asked.
“Well,” he hesitated. “The Claclopp!, Claclopp!!, Claclopp!!! was me running. The Spring! was me leaping in the air. The Zippp was me gracefully zipping my pants down in the air. And the YEEeeOOWWWwwwwweeeeee!!!! was me landing my nuts on the bedpost.”
