A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.
The judge looks down at her and asks, “First offender?”
The woman replies, “nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender.”
Tone: humor
Humor humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Dirty Pictures Reveal True Desires!
A guy goes to the psychiatrist and the doctor orders a Rorschach test.
He shows his patient the first inkblot and asks what he sees. The reply: “Sex.”
Second inkblot, same question. The reply: “Sex.” Third time around, same thing.
The doctor says, “All you have on your mind is sex.”
The patient replies, “Well, of course I do, because you keep showing me those dirty pictures.”
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Dorm Dilemma: The Cost of Curiosity
On the first day of college, the dean is making his initial address to the incoming student body and going over some of the rules.
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is out-of-bounds for all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
“Yeah,” says a guy in the back. “How much for a season pass?”
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Hammering Home the Ethics
After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.
“Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”
The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”
Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”
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One Hour of Pleasure, Lifetime of Questions!
So it’s the first day of college, and the girls are finishing orientation with the Dean of Women.
“In conclusion, ladies, if you get pregnant, you’ll likely have to drop out and miss out on many of your dreams. Think about it: is that one hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of commitment?”
“Now,” the dean says, “are there any questions?”
“Yeah,” says a voice from the back. “How do you make them last an hour?”
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Comfort in Comedy: The Elderly’s Wit
An elderly Jewish man is walking down the street when he sudden slips and falls.
People rush to help him, with one passer by rolling up his own coat to cradle the elderly Jewish man’s head.“Sir,” the man says. “We’re calling an ambulance. Are you comfortable?”
The elderly Jewish man gives a weak shrug and says: “Eh. I make a living.”
