Tone: ironic

Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I don’t think “It’s cumtastic!” was the compliment Sister Mary

I don’t think “It’s cumtastic!” was the compliment Sister Mary was looking for regarding her new cell phone.
I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice

I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice and don’t bet against the spread.
Don’t get me wrong, I love playing “Santa and His Helper” with

Don’t get me wrong, I love playing “Santa and His Helper” with my wife, especially when she licks the candy cane and empties out Santa’s sack. I just wish she weren’t so insistent about hanging Santa’s balls from the tree.
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture

I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
There are no three words in the English language sexier or more

There are no three words in the English language sexier or more romantic than those three that every woman longs to hear a man say: “I’d hit that!”
While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell

While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell me that she was expecting at least eight inches overnight. I hope she was only talking about snow.
I was crushed when I wasn’t voted prom queen in high school, but

I was crushed when I wasn’t voted prom queen in high school, but I’ve since redeemed myself by being chosen blowjob queen of my trailer court.
In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my

In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you

Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”