Tone: ironic

Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate”

I should have known that the way I learned to “dissemenate” information at the porn conference wouldn’t work at the PTA meeting.
I really hate people who give TMI. I hate them more than all the

I really hate people who give TMI. I hate them more than all the bloody underwear I’ve throw in the trash on account of my oozing hemorrhoids.
I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were

I was slipping into my date’s drink, but it turns out they were laxatives.
Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they

Vajayjay. Hoo-ha. Honey pot. Love canal. Man, at the rate they keep coming up with new names for lady-parts, I’ll never graduate from medical school.
I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that

I should be chosen Small Business Owner of the Year now that I’ve finally solved once and for all the issue about sexual harrassment in my business. Nobody ELSE thought of hiring only prostitutes.
What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down

What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down in the anals of history.
“Who do I have to blow to get some help around here?” works

“Who do I have to blow to get some help around here?” works great in a bar, but not so much at Confession.
With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case

With my luck, I’ll end up with the world’s first diagnosed case of “genital anthrax.” And when they find out I work at the post office, the boss is really going to question my mail-handling procedures.
I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no

I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no vagina. And we lived happily ever after in her Malibu Dream House.
Talk about pulled in two different directions: When her lips

Talk about pulled in two different directions: When her lips finally parted and she took my penis in her mouth, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. But after I forgot to warn her I was about to cum, I thought she’d murder me.