A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “What is your blood type?”
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”
Topic: medical
Medical jokes, doctor-office awkwardness, hospital humor, and body-related disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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An Old Pal in Manhattan
I was walking in Manhattan when I bumped into an old high school pal whom I hadn’t seen in twenty years. He was eager to show me photos of his new wife.
“Here, check out my wife,” he said as he scrolled through a few photos on his phone. “Isn’t she hot?!”
I replied, “If you think your wife is hot, you should see my wife.”
“Is she hot too?”
“Well yes, but she’s also an eye doctor!”
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If only Africa had more mosquito nets
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
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On a scale of 1-8 how old are you?
Doctor – On a scale of 1-8 how old are you?
Kid – It stops at 8?
Doctor – It does for you
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Shingles Delivery
Kevin walked into a doctor’s office, and the receptionist asked, “What do you have?”
“Shingles,” Kevin replied.
She took down his name, address, insurance information, and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later, a nurse’s aide came out and asked, “What do you have?”
“Shingles.”
She recorded his height, weight, and medical history, then told him to wait in the examining room.
Half an hour later, a nurse came in and asked, “What do you have?”
“Shingles.”
She took his blood pressure, drew some blood, performed an EKG, and told him to undress and wait for the doctor.
An hour later, the doctor came in, saw Kevin sitting there in the nude, and asked, “What do you have?”
“Shingles.”
The doctor looked confused. “Where?”
Kevin pointed outside and said, “On the truck. Where do you want me to unload ’em?”
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90-Year-Old at His Check-Up
A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 90-year-old said things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 23-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Lousy at Golf
This guy in his 50s goes to the doctor.
“What’s your daily activity level like?” the doctor asks.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, a guy your age, probably not eating all that healthy, probably not getting that much exercise…”
The guy shrugs. “Yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake and outran a wild dog in the heavy brush.”
“Well, that sounds pretty good,” the doctor comments.
“That’s nothing,” the guy says. “The day before, I marched up and down several hills and outran a couple of bears.”
“That sounds really impressive.”
“And last weekend, I crawled out of quicksand, stood in a patch of poison ivy, and knocked down a small tree.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “it sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!”
“Nah,” the guy replies, “I’m just real lousy at golf.”
