Day after day, the same guy keeps taking my favorite parking space at work, so I keep keying the sides of his car. And each morning, he shows up again with it painted a new color and with a different license plate, just to confuse me. Ha! Try again, Einstein!
Tone: ironic
Ironic humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Donkey Clock
An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.
The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.
The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.
A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.
“How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.
The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”
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US Paralympics Team Refuses to Stand During Star Spangled Banner – This Is Getting Out of Control
This is getting out of control
US Paralympics Team Refuses to Stand During Star Spangled Banner
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Love Do You Want Kids? Absolutely Not – Children We Need to Talk
Love, do you want kids?
Absolutely Not
Me Neither
Children, we need to talk
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This Was in My Dentist’s Waiting Room – Gollum Before and After
This was in my dentist’s waiting room
Før… Efter…
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Game Show Idea: 11 Gay Men and 1 Straight Man – None of the Men Are Actually Gay
Game Show Idea:
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn’t gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left, or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the 2 last people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here’s the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just all think they are the one straight man.
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Can You Give the Kids a Talk on Drugs – I Talk a Lot of Shit When I’m High
Wife: Can you give the kids a talk on drugs?
Me: Ok but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high
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Dog: Drop the Ball – Dog: Go Fuck Yourself
Dog: You are my life. My purpose. I will do anything for you
Human: Drop the ball
Dog: Go fuck yourself
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If Size Doesn’t Matter Why Are There No 3 Inch Dildos
If size doesn’t matter why are there no 3 inch dildos
