Tone: irreverent

Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability

I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability to lick their privates in exchange for having to lick their own butts clean.
Dildos need a tagline, for marketing purposes. My suggestion:

Dildos need a tagline, for marketing purposes. My suggestion: “The gift that keeps on getting.”
In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my

In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you

Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you thinking about right now?” RIGHT answer: “Not much. just how much I love you.” CORRECT answer: “How much I love you giving it to Taylor Swift with a Hello Kitty strap-on in a kiddie pool full of tapioca pudding in my fantasies.”
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I’d truly

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I’d truly like to be. ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, Jilly G. would be deep-throating me.
My friends were all impressed with my devotion to CNN until they

My friends were all impressed with my devotion to CNN until they found out that for me it stands for “Cum-‘N’-Nap.”
To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as

To me it was never about “Romulans versus Klingons” as much as it was about “How far am I going to take this in order to bang a chick willing to wear Spock ears during sex?”
I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and

I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and insistence of my scout master, the product is not named “KY-In-Tents”; 2) The experience is nothing like what they lead you to believe from those commercials.
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
When Ben Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise,” I think

When Ben Franklin said, “Early to bed, early to rise,” I think it he was talking about the effect of sleep on morning wood.