No 0001 TITANIC
Suspicious Duck
PASSENGER HITTING PROPELLER
Contents: One (1) poor soul
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Law School
It turns out law school is a lot like elementary school. They assign you a locker, you meet new friends, and pulling the cute redhead’s pigtails still isn’t as good an idea as you think it is.
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Instead of a Zamboni
If minor league hockey teams really want to rope in the fans, they should use a chick in a bikini with a flamethrower instead of a Zamboni.
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How much younger she looks
Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!
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The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie
17. There’s Something About Tying Up and Whipping Mary
16. Boundhog Day
15. Prince of Tied
14. Binding Nemo
13. Cloudy with a Chance of Beat Balls
12. Meet the Floggers
11. Back Side Story
10. The Hurt Licker
9. L*A*S*H
8. Rear Ender’s Game
7. 12 Angry Men and a Coed with Daddy Issues
6. 13 Years a Sex Slave
5. Lock, Stock, Cuffs, Shackles, Chains, Restraints, Ball Gags and Two Smoking Barrels
4. Blazing Paddles
3. Thor All Over
2. Dude, Where’s Your Fist?
1. Whip. Lash.
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The Vegas Prostitute
A man is walking the Las Vegas strip and runs into the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He starts talking to her, and to his luck, he finds out she is a prostitute. So he asks her,
“How much for a hand job?”
“$5,000,” she replies.
“$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way.”
“Walk with me,” she replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment, ending up in front of a restaurant. “You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me $5,000 for hand jobs.”
He ponders for a moment. “Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright.” He brings her back to his hotel room, gets the hand job, and as advertised — it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks, “Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?”
“$15,000,” she replies.
“$15,000?!? You are out of your mind. No way!” he shouts.
“Come to the window.” They walk to the window and she begins to point. “You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me $15,000 for blow jobs.”
“Fine, how can I say no?”
Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. “Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?”
“Come to the window.” He follows her to the window, ready for anything. “Do you see all of Las Vegas?” she asks.
“No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!” he exclaims, astounded.
“No…” she looks down. “But I would if I had a pussy…”
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Running Government Like Death Row Records
Trump got 34 felonies, 3 baby mommas, been shot, and kidnapped a sitting President. He running our government like Death Row Records from the 90’s.
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Sit Somewhere Else on the Bus
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she:
A) has intimacy issues
B) is frigid
C) needs to sit somewhere else on the bus
