Tone: light-hearted

Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Under a buck

    What’s the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
    A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck.

  • It’s pasture bedtime

    I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.”

    Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?”

    I chuckled, “Well, that means…”
    “It’s pasture bedtime!”

  • Is it still considered a beef?

    If two vegans are having an argument…

    Is it still considered a beef?

  • A ceiling rafter

    I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…

    It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.

  • Sir Cumference

    Everyone is familiar with King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table, like Sir Lancelot. But who actually built the round table?

    Sir Cumference.

  • You Can Get Us Two Bills

    You Can Get Us Two Bills

    You Can Get Us Two Bills

  • Two Irishmen, One Bar, A Shared Past!

    Two men sat next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London.

    “You sound Irish,” said the first.

    “Aye, that I am!” said the second proudly.

    “Faith and begorra, so am I! Where from?”

    “Dublin.”

    “Saints preserve us, me too! What street?”

    “McCleary Street.”

    “Mother of mercy… that’s my street as well! What school?”

    “St. Mary’s, class of ’64.”

    “Sweet heavens… I graduated in ’64 too!”

    Just then, a man walked in and asked the bartender,

    “What’s going on tonight, Murphy?”

    The bartender sighed.

    “Ah, nothing much… the O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Three Pints for Brotherhood!

    An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness, and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

    When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. Wouldn’t you rather I draw fresh pints for you one at a time?”

    The fellow replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is now in America and the other in Australia. When we all left home, we promised we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

    The fellow becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers.

    When the fellow goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

    The fellow looks confused for a moment, then he laughs and says, “Oh, no, everyone’s fine. I’ve just given up beer for Lent.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • Terry, What the Hell?!

    Terry, What the Hell?!

    Terry, What the Hell?!

  • He was a good buoy

    Did you hear about the dog who was floating in the ocean?
    He was a good buoy…