Tone: raunchy

Raunchy humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • When She Adds Some Tongue Action

    When She Adds Some Tongue Action

    When she sucking yo Meat and
    adds some tongue action.

    are ya ready kids?

  • You Coming to the BBQ?

    You Coming to the BBQ?

    Me: you coming to the bbq?

    Her: what bbq?

    Me: the one where I slap my meat across your grill

  • They Say That During Sex You Burn Off Calories

    They say that during sex, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

    Who the hell runs eight miles in one minute?

  • Goofy Has a Son

    Goofy Has a Son

    nervabeacon

    Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has had sex.

    Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.

    And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.

    Goofy… has had sex.
    Goofy… has known a woman biblically.

    Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
    Imagine what it sounded like.

    These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.

    GA-HYUK.

  • The Difference Between a Lamborghini and a Dead Hooker

    What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead hooker?

    I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

  • Why Bill Clinton Stopped Playing the Saxophone

    Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?

    To take up more time playing that harmonica.

  • A Friend of Mine Had a Penis Extension

    A friend of mine had a penis extension.

    And now his house looks stupid.

  • Friday Afternoon at the Bar

    A guy walked into his local bar one Friday afternoon right after clocking out of work.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Stepping up to the counter, he spotted his good friend Joe slamming back two double shots in a row, wearing a thoroughly miserable scowl.

    “What’s with the long face, Joe?” the guy asked, taking a seat beside him.

    Joe let out a heavy sigh. “My wife sat me down this morning and told me she’s putting me on a strict schedule. From now on, she’s only going to sleep with me on Mondays and Thursdays.”

    His buddy clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Come on, cheer up! Look on the bright side… she’s cut the rest of us off completely.”

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  • An Ad for a Husband

    A woman places an ad for a husband: Must not lay a hand to me, must not run around on me, and must be good in bed.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    A couple of days later the doorbell rings and she answers the door.

    Sitting on her porch is a man in a wheelchair with no arms nor legs.

    She says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood the ad.”

    The man asks, “Why? I have no arms, so I won’t lay a hand to you, and I have no legs, so I won’t run around on you.”

    The woman replies, “But the ad also said you had to be good in bed.”

    The man says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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  • A Trained Crocodile

    A circus claims to have a truly unique attraction: a trained crocodile.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The crocodile shows some truly astonishing skills like jumping through a burning hoop, riding a bicycle, and even smoking a pipe.

    At the end of the show, the crocodile’s trainer instructs the orchestra to play a dramatic flourish as he unzips his pants and places his member into the crocodile’s open mouth. The crocodile then gently closes its mouth until the trainer gives it a good, solid whack between the eyes, upon which the crocodile lets go of his member without as much as a scratch. The audience erupts in applause until the trainer gestures for them to be quiet.

    “Any gentleman within the audience who is willing to repeat this, I will give them $1,000 in cash!” he proclaims. Nobody answers, so he ups the ante to $2,000, then $3,000 and even $4,000 until, when he calls out: “Alright, then, $5,000!” a man in the audience stands up.

    “I’ll do it! But on one condition!”

    “And what would that be?” asks the trainer.

    “Don’t hit me between the eyes like that.”

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