My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a family evening at home: Don’t block the TV and don’t wake me if I fall asleep.
Tone: relatable
Relatable humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no
I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no matter how funny *I* think it is, my wife will never appreciate it when I let a few chocolate chips melt in my hand and ask her where the toilet paper is.
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My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son
My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son says she’s telling us, “I feel comfortable with you and trust you.” I think
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I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say,
I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say, “I like you and all, but sex…”
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(Lori Petterson) Happiness is finding a freshly cleaned gas
(Lori Petterson) Happiness is finding a freshly cleaned gas station restroom when you have to poo.
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Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster
Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster than a schmear of butt-mustard left behind by the cat.
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Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone!
Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone! Airports should add a pause button to those damn electronic toilets.
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I try listening to my heart, really I do
I try listening to my heart, really I do.
