(Lori Petterson) Happiness is finding a freshly cleaned gas station restroom when you have to poo.
Tone: relatable
Relatable humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster
Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster than a schmear of butt-mustard left behind by the cat.
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Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone!
Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone! Airports should add a pause button to those damn electronic toilets.
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I try listening to my heart, really I do
I try listening to my heart, really I do.
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Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you
Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”
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Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does
Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does something to ruin it? You know, like speaking.
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Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and
Sometimes you just want a guy to throw you to the ground and fuck the living shit out of you. Other times you just want him to bring you your entrée while it’s still hot.
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After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I have a comfortable
After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I have a comfortable routine: I get sex after she goes on a shopping bender, then waits till I cum before informing me how much she spent.
