“Slowly Encroaching Chocolate” is a level on Candy Crush Saga. It’s also a pretty fair descriptor for the state of my underwear.
Tone: relatable
Relatable humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Turns out that my wife ascribes to a double standard during sex:
Turns out that my wife ascribes to a double standard during sex: using “cum” as a verb is acceptable, whereas using it as a noun is not.
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are not an “up and comer” in life
are not an “up and comer” in life.
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I call them “tissues” instead of “Kleenex” until one goes into
I call them “tissues” instead of “Kleenex” until one goes into the laundry, then they’re “fucking Kleenex.”
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Perhaps one day we’ll have technology to keep the seat belt from
Perhaps one day we’ll have technology to keep the seat belt from getting slammed in the door. Or to keep men from sitting on their balls.
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Killing It on Harmonica
me: [absolutely killing it on harmonica]
taco bell cashier: are you gonna order
