Relatable Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Sex Best Exercise

MehGyver @TheAndrewNadeau

The older I get the more I side with the witches from fairy tales who moved out to the woods and killed someone who bothered them.

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown

Dispatch: Copy that

Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer

MAGIC 8-BALL, AM I STUPID?

When someone asks about your family and you’re trying to decide if you should tell them the Disney or Jerry Springer version.

Crystallowerycomedy on fb

When you have to hold her like this at night because she steals

@whitepeoplehumor

Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix

Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!

Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.

Child: Were they made of wood?

Me:

Child:

Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.

5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad

Tim, Joe and Steve, life long friends, were down at the local tavern having a beer celebrating Steve’s 80th birthday.

Steve grabbed his shoulder and said, “You know, I’m 80 and I can feel the aches and pains of my age.”

Tim agreed, saying he can tell rain is coming by the aches in his knees.

Joe shook his head. “Guys,” he said. “I feel like a baby.”

Tim and Steve looked at each other, puzzled.

Joey took a sip of beer and smiled. “I got no hair, no teeth and I pee my pants a lot!”