When my boyfriend started calling me his Rose Garden, I thought it was because I was sweet and smelled nice. Turns out it was because of all the little pricks I’ve had in my bush.
Tone: Sarcastic
Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to
The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to cum in less than 60 seconds every damn time.
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Turns out that my wife ascribes to a double standard during sex:
Turns out that my wife ascribes to a double standard during sex: using “cum” as a verb is acceptable, whereas using it as a noun is not.
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What the fuck? That disgusting “scat party” had absolutely
What the fuck? That disgusting “scat party” had absolutely nothing to do with jazz vocal improvisation using nonsense syllables! It was gross. Luckily, I can get it out of my head by showing off my barefoot skiing skills at tomorrow night’s watersports party.
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Choo choo? That’s your best train sound
Choo choo? That’s your best train sound?
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IDEA! A free sip of strong espresso before you order at the
IDEA! A free sip of strong espresso before you order at the coffee shop. So nobody’s drink goes cold while they’re waiting in line to shit.
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I don’t think I’d be so tired masturbating to porn here at work
I don’t think I’d be so tired masturbating to porn here at work if I wasn’t up all night masturbating to porn at home.
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First there was S&M;, then SMBD, then LGBT. Now it’s LGBTQIA.
First there was S&M;, then SMBD, then LGBT. Now it’s LGBTQIA. Forget about erectile dysfunction pills, I need a prescription to cure my Acronymorrhea.
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Girls say they want a funny guy, but leave off “who’s not fat”
Girls say they want a funny guy, but leave off “who’s not fat” — like I say I want a nice girl but leave off “who’s hot, rich and into butt stuff.”
