My wife finally got back at me for all those years of surprising her lingerie which was too small buy giving me a cock ring which was too big.
Tone: Sarcastic
Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Word to the wise: When a longtime friend confesses his
Word to the wise: When a longtime friend confesses his scatological fetish to you, it is NOT appropriate to respond by saying, “I don’t give a shit.”
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Apparently, to my husband “Happy Valentine’s Day” means “Yes!
Apparently, to my husband “Happy Valentine’s Day” means “Yes! I’m finally getting anal!”
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I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band!
I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band! But yes, I agree, it wasn’t the best choice for the elementary school chorus.
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My wife claims I’m callous and unsupportive. Apparently she
My wife claims I’m callous and unsupportive. Apparently she missed the chapter in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” where the Martian phrase “I’m ready to listen” translates roughly, to, “What the fuck crawled up your butt?”
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I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I
I know the Bible says “Love thy neighbor as thy self,” but I don’t care what Jesus says — I’m not about to go around giving
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My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome
My wife told me for her birthday, she wanted to have a threesome so she could experience a really big dick. Unfortunately, Simon Cowell is busy that night.
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Apparently the entreaty, “But Honey, it was just *GAY* porn!”
Apparently the entreaty, “But Honey, it was just *GAY* porn!” doesn’t earn you a reprieve.
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People often wonder how I climbed the corporate ladder so
People often wonder how I climbed the corporate ladder so quickly. Personally, I think it’s due to my ignoring my career counselor’s advice and refusing to remove “fellatio expert” from my resume.
