Day 1 at the gym just finished taking a shit let’s start the work out
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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This Contest Is Hard
Jon @ArfMeasures
Me *swallowing 4th wet t-shirt* this contest is hard
11:15 AM – 31 May 19 – Twitter for Android
2,711 Retweets 20K Likes
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Disgruntled Employee
For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.
The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.
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Best Costume
A sure-fire way to win “best costume” at the next Halloween party is to have somebody embed a real chainsaw blade into your shoulder.
Timing is crucial, though — you don’t want to pass out from loss of blood after 10 minutes, long before the costume judging begins, like I did.
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Job Interview
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
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Mirror Mirror
I want to have sex with someone who’s as attractive as I am.
That’s why I always masturbate in front of a mirror.
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No Thanks I’ll Just Have Water
No thanks, I’ll just have water
Gatorade FIERCE GRAPE .50 20 oz Plastic
Gat rade .50 FRUIT PUNCH
