Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Turns out that is 9:30 pm

    When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 p.m. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.

    Turns out that is 9:30 p.m.

  • Check it off my list

    If I ever get arrested for bouncing down my street naked on a pogo stick with a peacock feather in my ass, well, there’s something else I can check off my list of things to do before I die.

  • It definitely wouldn’t be this one

    I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.

    He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”

    Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”

  • A pain in the ass

    My wife and I tried anal.
    She loved it, but for me, it was a pain in the ass.

  • Best wingman ever

    I asked my best friend to be my wingman and boast about me while I was talking to a girl I like.
    It backfired horribly when he told her I’m the best sex he ever had.

  • She gave me a big hug

    I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
    She turned around and gave me a big hug.

  • The difference was staggering

    I compared how I walked down the street drunk vs sober.
    The difference was staggering.

  • Curious Kids and Leprechaun Lore

    My kids asked me what I knew about Leprechauns.

    I said very little.

  • Divorce: She Took It All, Even My Soles

    My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
    She has sole custody.

  • Orthopedic Shoes: From Overrated to Essential!

    I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.