Tone: self-deprecating

Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Lifeguard Certification Test

    I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.

  • Sex Best Exercise

    Sex Best Exercise

  • Sex Calories 5 Miles

    Sex Calories 5 Miles

    DURING SEX YOU BURN AS MUCH CALORIES AS RUNNING FOR 5 MILES.

    WHO THE FUCK RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS?

  • Priests Dont Look

    Priests Dont Look

    miguel ruiz @maneruiz

    You know you’re getting older when you walk past a couple of priests and they don’t even look at you…

    6:17 PM – 18 May 13

  • Suspect Dancing Naked

    Suspect Dancing Naked

    Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown

    Dispatch: Copy that

    Me: I’ll try but I’m not much of a dancer

  • Magic 8 Ball Stupid

    Magic 8 Ball Stupid

    MAGIC 8-BALL, AM I STUPID?

  • Push Up Last Year

    Push Up Last Year

    Why are my arms so weak?

    It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing.

  • First Football Game Sex

    First Football Game Sex

    MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX

    I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME

  • Race Who Comes First

    Race Who Comes First

    WHENEVER I HAVE SEX, IT’S A RACE TO SEE WHO COMES FIRST.

    ME OR THE POLICE.

  • Expert Identifying Birds

    Expert Identifying Birds

    Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds

    Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?

    Me: Yup, they’re all birds